My only personal post... this is just for me!

I had a very trouble childhood. I mean, financially. We were poor. Period. Everytine time dad a regular job, we lived in rented house, just us, the family. Something or the other happens and dad loses his job and we had to go live with my grand mother. It was not a great feeling, grandma was a horrible arrogant woman, and we used to confine ourselves in one small room which I should say measures about a 100 sqft or lesser! Moving out from a rented house, we used to dump all our belongings in that room, cook and sleep there.

Again, dad gets a job and we move out. This cycle repeated itself thrice till I was 16. Dad found a decent job after that and we always lived alone! There was no looking back. Dad, the hard worker that he is took about 6 years from then to build a 3000 sqft house, for us. It was a lavish house, I still wonder how dad managed to build it in six years! The house, our prized possession, built with so much hard work, love and care.

Life is a cycle. Dad went in to a financial crunch and we sold out house. We sold it cause we had problems worth 10% of the cost of the house. Dad and my brother tried their best to hold it, save it from selling. They managed say 8%. I was just as useless as I am today, couldn’t be of much help to them at that point in time. Sold it.

If there is one reason that I really hate myself or feel ashamed is that one thing. I was useless to them at that point in time. I feel bad, and I really miss my house. The joy in building it and buying things… from tiles to furniture’s, fixtures and lightings, selecting the paint, buying a dog…

We lived there for 6 years and we moved out. My dad will not read this blog, I know he would have felt miserable selling that house, his life time achievement. All I could say to him is I’m Sorry! I was just useless! And I could never do anything, anymore to make you feel happy! I really am sorry!
My dog died in 2 moths after we moved out of that house! I am here, still as useless

Show Me The Bed!

I finished work late on friday and came home at 0000 hrs had an early morning flight at o5oo hrs to delhi, which technically woke me up at 0300 hrs, giving 2 hours of sleep... and spent the whole day at a vendors place in Delhi, finished work at 1800 hrs and went out and came back to the hotel at 0100 hrs, and now its 5 in the morning and sitting in the airport waiting for boarding announcement!!!

Its an irritaing eye that I've got here and its an irritating feeling when you dont know if its all worth it!

Movies!

I got my first DVD player in the year 2003 and from 2004 I've been seeing atleast 5 movies a week and now when I go to the DVD rental store or to buy new DVD's I get this weird feeling that I've seel almost all the good movies that could be available in Chennai!

I'm still am tempted to pick Scarface or Pulp Fiction, Layer Cake or Side Ways to watch... when I stand in front of my collections!

I cant Remember when was the last time I really enjoyed a good movie... The Rain Man which I say yesterday can be counted as a very good movie that I saw in the recent times and the previous good one was " The Lives Of The Others" which was some time in August! Its funny because when I started watching movies I picked all the good movies and watched them in a row and every night was a great movie night!

I right now have this DVD Civil Action, in front of me for tonight's viewing... hope its good!

Fight is about to be over!

Nowhere will truth be heard,
Nowhere will light be seen,
While ignorance and arrogance reign,
And greed never looks where it’s been.

Nowhere true love be known,
Nowhere sacrifice be made,
While wealth and power corrupts the weak,
And principles of decency fade.

Nowhere will I belong,
Nowhere will I stay and rest,
While liars win rewards for their words,
And continue to feather their nest.

Their hidden will in disguise,
They know to please, getting down on knees,
I’m spellbound searching through this incorrect,
Now as a coward man, I surrender this fight!