Bhavdeep Singh Virdee!!!

Added a New Blogger in the recomendation thingie... Bhavdeep Singh Virdee, A MBA from IIT, Hockey player, consultant - Frost and Sullivan.

Interesting blog, only if you follow the comments!!!

Ad's And Photographs

I love Photography... and especially like those catchy ads in the hoardings.

I like all the ads by Sharad Haskar(the Brains behind all the Hutch hoardings)

Even as a kid I preferred the Ad's for the original programme in TV. I still keep singing (If you dont trust, Ask Anita) the 'Thums Up' 'Solidaire' 'Tvs Champ' Ad jingles.... Man these ads were aired some 18 years before. Forget Whatever Philip Kotlers marketing concepts are, this Ad will definetely catch anybody's Attention!!!

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town!!!

Wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS...

I Pray that the new born Lord bring happiness and prosperity in all our lives and continue to bless and help us live in prayers!

Special Christmas wish to My readers

Anita(Pinky - My Monkey)
Victor
Lori
Sheila
Rajesh
shirene
Vijay Richard
Asif
Elizabeth
Sunaethra
Thomas Vergehese
Anand R
Pramilla Mathew
Anita Iqbal

Thanks guys for encouraging to keep this Blog up by commenting and Wish you all a Very Merry Christmas again!

Drive On The Coastal Road

If this is the one life we have why not switch off cruise control, exit the freeway & take the coast road - you know the one, with cliffs on one side & the ocean on the other. You have to really work hard to keep the car on the road - but check out the view...

Yeah, I think big

But who wouldn’t??? Living in this city & working in an industry were I create my destiny every single day. Every single thought I have pulls me further forward. From being the guy I am now & to creating the guy that I want to be. A big concept - but it’s bloody exciting & never predictable....ever.

If it was predictable then there is no fun!!!

The fact that I am pointing out in this post is that so many people do think big but don’t or can’t find the courage to take action, so nothing extra ordinary really ever happens.

One rule I have created for myself is to share my thoughts & to challenge everyone around me not to settle for second best...by sharing thoughts, goals & positive energy we all benefit in such a way that life actually takes on a new driving force - even new purpose.

I have seen this for a fact. People that were once bored & dull 9 to fivers are now the hub of the office - this transformation takes time...but I have seen this occur & indeed helped make it occur a number of times.

If more people chose to believe in themselves & not "contract out" their future to other people & organizations...the world or just the local community would be a very different place.

WHAT IF - YOU NEVER FEARED FAILURE OR REJECTION?.

WHAT IF - EVERYONE SUPPORTED YOUR DECISIONS TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE?

Forget what other people think - they will be the same ones asking for advice soon after you have put everything on the line & have come out on top. It’s not their fault, neither its wrong, you need to prove yourself before people accept you. That is how you truly become GREAT...

Again… give it a thought…

If this is the one life we have why not switch off cruise control, exit the freeway & take the coast road - you know the one, with cliffs on one side & the ocean on the other. You have to really work hard to keep the car on the road - but check out the view...

I love driving in these coastal roads… and I am glad I am driving on one!

Lunch Anyone?

I can never eat alone!

I need people to be around me when I eat. That’s why I always call a friend of mine most of the time to do lunch with me when I am at work, He works close to my office, so he is a default option!

Thankfully he agrees most of the time.

I enjoy meeting for lunches and breakfast than dinners. For me dinners are only with my fiancé or close friends that start late night with some nice cold beer and close off early morning.

Lunches are not that way! We could talk with anybody over lunch, they are not special like meeting for dinners but they just happen, and they are not usually long.

Lunches are meant to be savored. It's a very nice form of therapy half-way through the day. It's usually best with a hot meal, cold drinks, and good conversation. Good pertaining to the conversation not necessarily the topic. Nothing beats being able to catch up nearing the week's end. By this time, usually a lot has gone on. Good, bad, happy, or sad, these are what make conversations rich and worth the time.

Now, why am I writing this now?

For the first time, I eat alone, went alone for lunch!

I finished training and was walking aimlessly as I didn’t have my bike and was waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up. I passed by ‘The Breeze Hotel’ and a sign on the wall that read “Exciting Christmas Lunch Deals” – caught my attention and I went in.

It was really a great lunch I would say, the ambience was really nice and wow! Carols, decorations, the welcome cake, the crib – Felice Navidad! Christmas mood was so much there!

It was so nice… I had a good time with myself! Thought about me a lot, spoke to me a lot… it was nice and different! The food was excellent too!

Now what did I eat? A nice ham and bacon steak with mashed potatoes and olives!

Again, I can never eat alone… well may be sometimes I could!

Winter...Christmas...December...

I always loved December... I dunno for what specific reasons, it would be real funny for somebody abroad or may be even somebody from Bangalore if I say "Its cold in here in Chennai" For them it is never cold in Chennai.

I love it simple because it’s comparatively better weather and it’s such a nice feeling to ignore your alarm clock and keep sleeping in the morning. One other reason is its Christmas time… I love the feeling, the carols, the star, the crib, the late night mass everything… Most important – the new clothes!!!

I love the Christmas Eve than the Christmas day itself for some reason!!! (?)

I would love to spend at least one December abroad, may be in France, I always wanted to spend Christmas like the way they show in movies…as a whole community!!! Like Diwali here.

My Bro is lucky this time around, he would be in Bethlehem this Christmas! (Envy!) Man! That’s some place to be in for Christmas…

T. S Elliot again…

The winter evening settles down
With smell of steaks in passageways.Six o'clock.
The burnt-out ends of smoky days.
And now a gusty shower wraps
The grimy scrapsOf withered leaves about your feet
And newspapers from vacant lots;
The showers beat
On broken blinds and chimney-pots,
And at the corner of the street
A lonely cab-horse steams and stamps.
And then the lighting of the lamps.

How I wish I was in school, to enjoy my half yearly vacations and have fun at home!

How I wish I was still an Altar boy at church, preparing for Christmas!

How I wish I was in my choir rehearsaling carols!

How I wish I was out the whole night going homes to sing carols!

On top of that list currently stands….


How I wish, I ignore my 0530 alarm and sleep cuddling my pillow (59 days more for a better alternative…)!

This December is more special, coz I’m dreaming of the White Christmas, 18 days away plus my wedding 59 days away!

Again, wish me luck!

Hectic, Busy, Stressed...Enjoy Every Inch Of It!!!

Not much time to update!!! This lazy ass is slogging like an ass!

Technically my day starts at 5:30 (yeah 5:30!) in the morning and I go back home for a 5 hr crash course crash.

Work is getting really hectic… working (consulting) for 2 companies and potentially another 2, hence it’s a real 18 hr day. Rain drops and dance…. Yeah not anymore… It rains; it means my day is screwed!!!

So yeah, I would love to do some ranting and rambling soon…well should be very soon…

Wish me luck!

Like Aerosmith Says - " It's Amazing!"

Times have changed and it really has!

A couple of instances which caught me thinking as to how times have changed and my (our!) thinking along with it.

I am doing a new batch from yesterday and the usual formalities of the first day would include self introduction of the trainees. Every body were introducing themselves. My name is blah, and I studied in blah blah and I come from blah blah blah and so on.

And one of the guys said the same things and also said his dad owns a hardware store in Chennai. And instantly I asked him “Hey, Would he be able to help me pick up a used laptop?” He said “Unfortunately sir, he sells only wall nails and paints and varnish and iron materials!”

I made such a fool of myself!

And the other thing is that I am going to Bangalore tomorrow for a meeting, and the first thought that occured is to check with the airline companies to see if they have any deals before checking for ticket availability in trains! This might make me sound like a luxurious brat, but honest to God, No!

Chennai- Bangalore Shatabdi will charge you 680 bucks! You know what’s the price in Air Deccan? 829 bucks… Can you beat that! It’s lesser than a 2nd A/C Sleeper class in train. And of course I’m flying. I didn’t even bother looking at the ticket availability in train.

A lot of words means a lot of things these days - Windows, Program (earlier it just used to be TV Programs), Mail Address, Be specific when you ask for ph #’s Land line and Mobile, Paying by Card or Cash? Walk in to a restaurant and the first thing you ask is”Hey, Do you guys take Amex?”

We have so many choices and preferences… and I enjoy every inch of it. I have options a lot of options, custom made, from restaurants to airlines... from buying a pen to a computer… Wow!

I also remember a few technologies which came and just disappeared. Like the Pager. It was some happening thing when I was in school. People, I mean big time corporatist, used to boast about carrying one, its fame was fickle! Then it happened only people who work as peons and messengers and courier delivery guys carry it!

Then people were hiding these pagers, even if they have one they used to hide it, forget the boasting days… it was more of a disgrace or may be I would chose to say a joke carrying a pager!!!

Then I don’t what happened to them! I don’t even know where to buy a pager, if I need one today (I don’t even know if they exist!)

OMG! (Read it as Oh My God!) Times have really changed, it has!

One Of Those Days!!!

Mood:Low
Currently Listenning: Mike and Mechanics – Living Years
Ambience: Dark room, Music at a good volume.
Feeling: Sleepy and lazy

Well what do you expect!

One of those days that I really hate!!! I know its not gonna be there for ever and its gonna go, and I will feel better tomorrow, or may be even sooner than I think!!!

I don’t have classes today cause I just fininshed a batch yesterday and I have a new batch starting Monday, it’s a three day weekend. I was waiting for it for about a week.

Unfortunately I am not enjoying it! Its so boring and I am feeling like crazy. Sitting in my room throughout and playing some music I like has always been something I enjoy the most. Unfortunately, I went into a thinking mode.

Not really deppressive, but I am thinking about my life, where I really should be. Or should I be there? or there? thats what I’m thinking.

Should have said this or should have I said that… Should I do that? Can I do that? Will I do that? All these questions are just sitting here in my head. And all I can do is just type about it. I feel unwanted, and loved at the same time. Is that possible? Well if you don’t have a clue, ask me, it really is!

Can or should I do this? Where should I go? Should I go for a walk? Take a nap? Watch a movie? Should I try this...

I feel nothing is going my way, altenatively, I also feel it’s all fine. As much as I say it doesn't hurt me or bother me it also does.

More ?'s like do I like him/her? Should I see this person? should I stop trusting this person? What should I say? What will I say? Should I call him? Should I do that? Should I have done that?

Why is all this stuff just coming out of me? God know!

And I have this strange thought again, Should I post it or ctrl+a and del?

Well, WTF, My blog, My Post, My Place… and I am posting what ever s*** I’ve typed!

And Hell ya, I’m feeling better!!!!

SIDEWAYS!

I went to Pondicherry last weekend, and had some great fun! We went to Auroville and to another friend’s private beach there. The whole point of we driving there was because my bro’s bro in law said that we could pick up DVD’s for 35 bucks!

And the drive was in no vain. We picked up a lot of movies and my collection now stands at 128 titles!!! The drive was good also keep in mind it was pouring all over Chennai and also Pondi last week. I was on wheels all the time, playing some creed and 70’s&80’s glitter rock on the way.

A very unusual drive for me…

Getting married, Out of being a rebellious youth, Matured… I don’t know, so unusual, did not cross 100 KMPH! Those of me who know me well, remember I’ve done a 55 minute drive from Pondi to Chennai.

The other thing I wanted to post was that I kinda really like this guy called Charles Bronson, the 70’s super star. I watched about 7 of his movies till now and am looking for more DVD’s. Man… that guy is so cool. And the best part of it was most of the Tamil movies, the action ones especially, including a Rajinikant block buster were all stolen from his movies!!! That is acceptable, but they have stolen the BGM too…

Yeah, now why did I open blogger now? Yes, I was watching this movie called “SIDEWAYS” and thought I would recommend it to all of you. It’s a very nice movie. Its about a guy(Miles), an 8th grade English teacher, and a divorcee, wants to quit his job and graduate to next level, To publish a book!

A total pessimist. He goes on a wine tasting trip around California, along with his best friend(Jack), who is just about getting married in a week. They go wine tasting and during this trip is when a lot of things happen in Miles life. He hears that his book is not going to be published, his EX is remarried (keep in mind he stills loves her…that’s painful!!!) and pregnant, his friend(Jack) sleeps around with women week before his marriage and he couldn’t do much about it, plus he falls in love with another girl(Maya)!

The movie, directed by Payne (director of Jack Nicholson’s ‘About Schmidt’). As always he gives so much life to the movie. I like this director and I’ve also seen his another movie called ‘Election’.

The cool thing about director Alexander Payne is how he acknowledges the existence of an America is not just New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago. It's really refreshing the places he shoots his movies. The suburbs, the free ways, the vineyards… you should see it guys.

The people in SIDEWAYS are genuine, and, while the relationships are funny, they are all believable. As our middle-age lads Jack and Miles relive their youth, touring the picturesque highway in a red out dated convertible, we are there vicariously with them, reliving our own youth. Definitely a great watch!

I still have a 100 Unseen titles to watch!

Caught Thinking...

Well, I don't know what’s in store for me in this consulting business.

There was some issues in the network at work, restricting access to a few training material, and was unable to train briefly. The batch was really happy about it; they were having a half hour break from schedule. I took time off and browsed through online-literature.com.

I came across this poem

"There will be time To wonder,

Do I dare? and, Do I dare?

Time to turn back and descend the stair,

With a bald spot in the middle of my hair . . .

Do I dare?

~T.S. Eliot

About T.S Eliot...

T.S. Eliot, obviosuly an English poet was famous for his poem "The Waste Land"

Anyone who studied history might have heard a little about him before. For those who hated history, his poem "The Waste Land" was really famous and it embodied the sentiment of the early 1900s when Europe lost all their spirit after the world war 1.

Europe was so devastated by the war, that he viewed the future as a "Waste Land."

I don’t know, I can’t just deny reading about wars, and poems, songs and works related to them. The after math, the pain, A lot of my friends might not agree, but that’s how I got in to listening Iron Maiden.

As always I think I’m digressing from the topic???

Anyways just some background information about the poet and my likings… Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, the point is I have dared to venture… coz I didn’t want to regret with a baldhead, I should have ventured it.

And I hope its all for good,(It better be...)

Another interesting thing happened in my class, more of an argument. There was a student who said, "Academics defines what you are!!!" when I asked her "Do you believe so?” because I’m firmly against it, as you all know…

Well... she said, “Yes sir, that’s what has given you and me this prestigious job!”

I just smiled back...

What else could I say… when she believes her life is defined because she has joined Sutherland!!!

Great going girl… You have justified and made you Masters Degree in Computer Application Proud!

She didn’t talk to me after that, she thought I was arrogant, what can I say, she just misunderstood me…

And on a very arrogant note…

"To Be Great Is To Be Misunderstood… How So True…"

Americanism!

One thing that's very noticeable working with interacting with Americans is that they are a much more a polite lot. From saying 'Thanks' to ‘Excuse me's’, it is a welcome change for me.

Here in India, not many people say Thank You and it is very rare to see someone saying excuse me. I say this purely from my own experiences but if you were to have studied in a Christian run school, you were more likely to say your Thank yous as all the Christian schools I went to had a very strong Anglican influence.

The countless hours of agony children had to endure in choir sessions, checking their shoes everyday to see they were well polished and knotting a tie everyday are experiences only in the Christian schools here. And we had these boring as hell moral science/catechism classes, where among other things we were taught to say please, thanks etc.

I do not ever recall having to say please if I wanted something across the table from dinner. I mean, the only people I used to say thanks and please to were strangers, not friends and family. And I can say with the utmost confidence that I was not an exception.When friends said Thanks to each other, we were always rebuffed with a "why thanks between friends" line.

It does take a bit to get used to things here especially when eating with christian families. Mine must be one of the very few Christian families that did not say grace before eating. There's been many a moment when I would have put something in my mouth only for someone to say lets pray. God knows what the hosts of other christian families or friends thought of me then.

And yes the horror of trying to eat meat in an American way is the best part. Eating meat involved, waiting to see how the others used their cutlery and imitating them. Being the clumsiest person around did not help either, what with all the dropped spoons and clinking plates. Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman trying to do the best she could at the table.

Now this I cannot say is representative of Indians in general as I know plenty Indians real comfortable with their forks, spoons and what not. Keeping in mind the place I live tries its best to be Americans, including weekend bashes and harcore partying to rolling their ‘R’s.

Welcome change! I would call it if people really become polite and friendly.

I Dunno... I am So Blessed!!!

This is what my Fiance wrote about me in my another site's guest book!!! (sorry for making it public honey)

"Let me tell the others who Jay is...Well, he is first and foremost the love of my life! He is a guy who sticks to his principles and values more than anything else. A very practical and simple person. He plays the guitar amazingly well, and its not what he plays, it is the way he plays it...u can see how much music stirs him, literally. He is a go-getter cannot take a NO for an answer and a winner in all aspects. I guess this is enuff for today. Whatever he is or was I still love with all my heart!!! We fite and argue but end of the day we know that we are just fighting a little more attention and love which is totally harmless....don't u agree with me Jay!"

It makes me feel a lil sad as to when I think, if I really reciprocate the love!!!

Whatever it is... I realize that I am blessed with her in my life... As said in the side bar, I haven't found out the purpose for my existence, but I know she has defined a new meaning for my life when she came in...

Thanks a ton sweetie!!!

Rain drops and dance... Strange kind of romance

Woke up to one of my favorite weathers today, it just rained and quit minutes before I could wake up… I came out and the ground is all wet… Oh I love such a day…

I’m not much of the June afternoon kinds, more of the November rain kinds.

I looked up the sky and I can’t deny the lyrics of “Clouds roll by” – Pearl Jam!!!

I had a great ride in my bike on my way to work…

Rainy days brings a lot of memories to me…

When it used to rain, when I was a kid at school, I would still go to school, hoping that they would declare a holiday…and if it so happens… nothing like it… I would walk around the town in rain before I get back home. A lot of these memories still stay afresh…

When I first proposed my fiancé, she refused it… and she said she needed time to think about it…and it was one of those days, it was raining cats and dogs I offered to take her out… We roamed the whole town… enjoying the rain and the flooded streets…everybody were complaining, but we had so much fun…

The domestic trains were cancelled, and they were just a few of them plying, we waited in one of those deserted stations and took those trains, and we took crowded buses… and took shelter in small tea shops when it rained too bad to even walk and sipped on hot tea’s…

Trust me we did all this without Raincoats!!!

She was all mine those 2 days and I think I spoke my heart out with her during those 2 days… and I’m sure those days played a major role in her decision to accept my proposal.

I knew all along when I fell in love with her, that she would be a tough nut to break, but definitely after end of those 2 days, I know I cracked the nut a lil bit!!!

I don’t know but when I type this I have this strange feeling of sadness, we don’t spend time the way we used to do some 3 years before!!! Both of us are busy in our own professions, no messages, no long phone calls, no roaming around the way used to, no movies...

Measuring with all these she always complains that we have gone down on the love…we had a lot of time to do all these and we had this strange feeling of insecurity all the way and in the course or in the hunt for a secured future we lost all those lil pleasures, and those happy moments of togetherness.

Now I am really confident about a secured future!!! It took me 3 long years to be here, but when I look back, in the course of the time and in the hunt to be here, I don’t know if it was worth a compromise! Only time would say! May be my married life would say!

Again “Measuring with all these she always complains that we have gone down on the love” all I have to say is “ Honey, fortunately, love is not measured by all these things…”

And yeah, especially not ours!

My life is getting better and TASTIER....

It’s like middle of the night now… and as I promised I’m updating my blog!!!


Looking forward to… 1)

To start with the worship concert we played….it was one heaven of a show (keeping in mind it was a worship concert) It came out really well, the sound was nice and tight. Vishal the drummer was THE guy!!! He was at his usual best; he made the whole concert sound so tight and hard. Pity I was also playing and hence couldn’t take any pictures!!! And am really excited and looking forward for the next show we are playing this Sunday… I dunno I like the practice jams more than the show itself…

Looking forward to… 2)

About my job… I’m not going for interviews; neither did I take up any offers, I’ve decided to work on my own… I’ve become a training consultant!!! It was a decision after thinking aloud and lot… I got myself a laptop and started to walk in company’s... doing presentation, telling them what I could offer… its been very promising as I’ve already almost acquired a couple of good clients… all by myself!!! And I’m hoping to do well I guess…

Looking forward to… 3)

My brother has become dad and the baby is like awesomely cute!!! They have decided to make me the god father of the baby… I don’t know, I feel I need to be really responsible if I be one!!! I need to set right examples for the lil one… and I guess I will….

Looking forward to… 4)

Train my voice and jog everyday… I need to get fit before wedding and I need to sing better at shows… I kinda look big and jogging for that…and I kinda go off when I sing and Voice training for that!!!

Looking forward to… 5)

Get back to random rambling as soon as possible and write something solid…

Whatever, I enjoy this busyness and also I have this strange kinda satisfaction and happiness in me after I quit Sutherland… I feel I will do well and am learning a lot everyday and really enjoy meeting people and most of all sleeping at nights!!!

Not very happy about…. 1)

My wedding being postponed on Feb. 6th owing to non availability of a decent hall around the church!!! However I would be in my honeymoon for the Valentines Day… how romantic could it get!!!

Not very happy about…2)

I’m not in talking terms with a great friend of mine for a long time…I thought it would be fine in days…. But it’s been about 6 months now!!! I need to do something about it!!! Whatever it may be, he is a great pal of mine and he is always great to be around and to compete with in whatever I do!!! Kinda miss him!!!

Mmmmmm that’s a fair enough update I guess…

And I’m seriously looking forward to get back to random ramblings...I actually miss them!!!

Well...Well...Well...

Well, I need to write a lot....rather wanted to write about a lot of things, like the worship concert we played/the wedding tensions/new business/new baby at home... unfortunately I've been working on lot of things, and have been drastically busy over the days...

Would definetely catch up on them soon... may be from tomorrow, with my new Laptop( Didn't I mention I need to talk a lot...)

Would sure catch up soon!!!!

All Hail The Lamb...

The above picture is the place where I spent my last weekend (incl. of Friday), it is a retreat house in Bangalore. I went there along with another friend of mine, Gangai, the worship leader (view gworship.blogspot.com) it really was a great trip.

It was a great retreat, preached by Fritz Mascarenhas. It was a small group and hence I felt the retreat was really personal. Fritz was not just another preacher who just spoke about the love of the lord and made you feel miserable because you faulted at times, may be even all the time. He was really practical, and the preaching’s were more to do with Faith and the need for prayer and god in our lives.

And Gangai was awesome in the worship; he created the feel before every session with his acoustic guitar.



It was a great place and the chapel there was so holy, and we had a great session of Eucharistic adoration there.

I mean, I want to say a lot of things about the retreat, I don’t know just can’t pen them down!!! It didn’t make me a new person, or made me an evangelist; but for sure, Fritz and his words touched me, I know for a fact that I would never smoke again, and would never miss Sunday mass and would never feel inferior to anybody because of my faults… and on top of all that…

====I KNOW WHO MY LORD IS====

It really was some prayerful experience, and thanks to Gangai who sponsored my trip to Bangalore for the great weekend. And gangai, if you are reading it, Thanks for taking care of me (Yeah I had a bad fever on the first day when we hit Bangalore)

And by the way we are playing for a worship concert this Sunday in st. Patrick’s church in the Thomas Mount; I’m playing after a real long time, and with gangai, real… real long time…and am excited and am looking forward for it!!!

Extrovert - For the Love of the game

I thank my company for making me loose all my integrity….and do this (for sure it was fun)

Yesterday at work we wanted to play table tennis. There is a TT board in our office and hence we went to the admin dept to ask for a TT ball. The guy sitting there acted funny and said there are no TT balls. WTF, I kind of knew the way he said it, meant that he was not interested giving the ball to us.

I was dis-appointed. So was everybody else. It was 11 in the night, however we wanted to play TT, so I took everybody in my car, we went hunting for TT balls in the middle of the night… it was real fun… trust me it was. We stopped for tea and were roaming around the entire town, and everybody was looking at us like real crazy fools.

Finally we found a shop, it was closed, I went and asked him for a TT ball, he said he has got TT balls, however he couldn’t give it to us because the shop was closed. We kind of begged him to open the shutter and offered that we would buy an entire pack. Well he did!!!

We got the balls, and came back to office and played some nice TT!!!

Keep in mind the fact that we are jobless here at work, and everybody here is desperate to finish our notice period and go and join the respective jobs we have found for ourselves!!!

Oh man…what has this company done to me??? Where is my integrity??? Where is me, the workaholic??? I can’t imagine me doing this in GE or DELL!!! Seriously, waiting to get out of this rotten place and go to a place where I could work… learn… and do stuff… most of all THINK!

Anyways, another 3 more days to go… I have already given my resignation (well, they forced me in to it!!!)

However I wanted to give a resignation letter like this…

Dear Unpardonable Vinod
As per the piece of crap I signed on my first day of this dreaded job, I hereby give 2 minutes notice of my intention to leave this awful company.

I want to thank you for all you have not done for me in my employment here. It has been sheer torture working for you and representing this crappy company.

It is now time for me to move on and I have accepted a position as a garbage person. This decision was quite easy and took little consideration. However, I am confident that this new role represents a step up from this piece of crap job.

I wish the company would go to pieces and hope one day you too will realize that you cannot manage your way out of a paper bag.

Glad to be gone,

Jay Rulz – Yeah baby, Big Freaking Time!

Well anyways, we are for sure having fun serving notice period!! Again… hoping to go to a place where we could work… learn… and do stuff… most of all THINK!

R@nd0m $cRibBliNg$...R@mBliNgS....

My rage as a seven-year-old was furious and endless sometimes it could argue with an atomic bomb or adults five times my size. When I figured this out, I also figured that my rage gave me the will to survive.

Survival to me means learning to protect the soul from disabling blows rather than fighting back. Anger has always helped me to overcome situations and save my soul from being curled. It helped me to fight back, helped me to prove. Even when I play shuttle, when I’m 13 – 2 down, my rage has helped to me to come back and win many a games (If Gangai is reading it, still cant forget the game me and Fari played against Shiva and John, same 13 – 2 down and we won!!!)

The reasons I don't understand, however am glad that I transmuted my anger and rage to fight for competence, I would say. It always helped me to derive and trade one survival strategy for another.

In my teens filled with rage, I discerned the need for intellectual growth and financial power and am devoting much of my adult life acquiring and cultivating it. One start up firm, holding responsible and respective designations, a loved and successful relationship would compliment it.

It will however take me a long time to understand may be a very longer time in terms with the results. I live in a world where competence and the drive exhibited are the key sources of power. Rage and anger would help attain this competency, if you honestly use it as a fuel to fight against – I thought.

Now being an adult, I reexamine my views on life, and how I grew up I wonder nothing has been constant. I don’t have the same kind of rage and anger what I had in my teens or may be some 3 years before. I have met a lot of people, not different than mine who have thier own views and perspectives on life. Everybody thinks or beleive that thier way is unique, sure it is, and thats is the only way to attain the competency that I was talking about.

I definetly have subtled down, I definetly have... everybody will when our fantasies are overwhelmed by reality. Rage, Anger, Emotions, Power, Competency...whatever it is, we at some point of time would just pray that life goes on... with no hazzles. Our views, thoughts, visions, emotions all would be zeroed when we just want our life to go on.

Reality... WILL ALWAYS OVERWHELM OUR DREAMS AND FANTASIES!!! we like it or not... I for sure don't like it!

Out Of The Office...

I have been out of office for the last week(that technically restricted my blog hours…, hence no blog entry for the last week) and Today I am going to the office to put down my papers….(enough I’ve been through with Sutherland!!!) Yahoooooooooo…I’m free… free fallin... (Read it with the Tarzan tone)

I know when I go to office I would have tons of e mails in my inbox waiting to read/deleted. I am not the one, who uses an out of office reply, when I am not at work, bad habit!!!!

Anyways came across this Professional out of office replies which you guys could use!!!!

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless e-mail messages you send me until I return from holiday on 15 August. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged Rs5.00 for the first ten words and Rs2.00 for each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending your message again. (The best part is you would be amazed to see how many dud heads would have tried it)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

I’ve run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Steve’.

Hope to see a lot these from you guys…. And yeah, my site meter is doing good, at least 50 people look in to my site every day, and if you are one… don’t just read the articles here, feed them too!!!

Well, I had been tagged to write this....

I was just tagged by another blogger. Hmmmm. Well, here it goes

10 Years Ago Today:
One of the best days in my life, I still dream about it, I still wish that I go back to those days…I was in my 11th class, I opted to study Commerce and Economics for anything else, I mean the usual computer science and the regular science… School at that point of time was the best part in my life, had my first crush, a lot of first things, Bunked school for a movie, went out alone with friends, Travelled alone, Organized school tours, I enjoyed every inch of my growing up… Discussing sex in the catechism classes, Riding Bikes everything was so exciting and new… Adolecence and growing up was/is something I cherish the most.

Five Years Ago:
Tough moments in life, came out of a lot of bullshit and was daring and raing to prove myself that I am worth my space in the world, got my first job in GE, was learning things proffessionally, my base for what I am doing now, learnt to drink, got my first mobile phone, not a great part of my life but still it was those days which decided what I am now… Owe a lot to my family for helping me in all those tough situations…

1 Year Ago:
Got my dream job, ‘TRAINER’, was walking in to TIDEL park with a lot of dreams… met my old collegues, everytime I see them I had a sense of pride & satisfaction that I have grown far proffesionally. Got back with my friends, meeting them often for drinks and lived a life of a royal proffesional… Dealing money with Gold plastic cards… Lived life to the fullest I would say!!!

Yesterday:
Was the end of my 1 week vacation from work, went out with Anita, Jude and Reena.. had fun..still worried about my dog which is still recovering and about my career…

Tomorrow:
We will just have to see. I’m planning to bunk work and go out with friends again!!!

5 Snacks I enjoy:
I’m not much of a shot eater…anyways
Basandhi
Chocolate (anything with nuts)
Good day biscuits with hot cofee
Cheese melt in barrista
Chilli bajji’s at the beach

5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs:
Iron Maiden
Pearl Jam
Green Day
Oasis
Bryan Adams

5 Things I Would Do with $100,000,000,000:
Pay off my Credit card bills
Buy a Ferrari
A nice sea facing Home
Invest in mutual funds
Host a Ironmaiden, Pearljam, Oasis, Green Day concerts in Chennai

5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to:
I'm done running:)

5 Habits I Have:
Eat the toping alone atleast in one slice of a Pizza
Prefer calling for SMS
Ride too fast
Blogging/computers
Nail biting

5 Things I Like Doing:
Watching good movies
Playing the guitar
Listening Alternative/Punk Rock
Night outs
Long drives

5 Things I would Never Wear:
Bell Bottom Trousers
Skin tight T shirts
Jeans and a Formal shoe
Slim Watches
A Cowboy hat…may be

5 TV Shows I Like(d):
Never liked TV Shows…

5 Movies I Like:
The Saw Shank Redemption
Schindlers List
Seven
The House Guest
The Day of the Jackal

5 Famous People I would Like to Meet:
Steve Harris
Jack Welch
Yanni
The Pope
Max Biagi

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
Anita
My Family
My Dog
My Friends
My Guitar

5 favorite toys:
Remote cars
SEGA 16 bit
Air guns
Scrabble
???

I will Tag five others soon….

Amnesia-been there....

I have faced a minor version of amnesia 4 years before. I donated blood to one of my friends dad as early as 6 in the morning and met with an accident while riding back with out eating anything…

I still don’t remember what happened that whole day in my life.

Mom tells me that I was talking nonsense and was talking about things that happened a year before then. And finally I came back to senses after some 48 Hrs and man my head was feeling really crazy and I saw my helmet… It was literally broken in to two pieces… It is scary to even imagine that day with out my helmet(I still broke a tooth with the helmet)

The bast part was I almost broke into tears when I walked in to the ATM and couldn’t remember my Pin # and most of the phone #’s, keeping in mind that I have a great memory when it comes to remembering #’s.

It took me quite a while to come back to reality and to remember things… But I still can’t remember how I met with the accident who informed home about the accident, how I came home… and all the details… the called me home at 2 in the afternoon, I met with the accident at 6 in the morning, I really don’t know what happenned the whole morning!!!

I still gives me chills in my nerves when I think about it… anyways, thanks to my helmet for everything…

However, Sometimes I wish I had the complete amnesia and you never comeback to senses. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to start with a clean slate?(But I need Anita, no matter what!!!) I sometimes daydream about what would happen if I woke up one day in, say, China, and didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. I even thought about turning this idea into a book, anyways what are blogs there for… just like good friends…

But the whole amnesiac-with-a-story has been done to death in a lot of movies and a hell a lot of books.

Imagine when you are done with a book about you, may be a biography kinda thing and you read it after the amnesia how would it be!!! What would you think about it if you were’nt so completely biased?

Of course, amnesia would create its own problems, the first one being the fact that you probably got slammed hard on the head and now have brain damage. Anyways, many of the people I know already seem to have damaged their brains, so perhaps that wouldn’t matter so much.
And what would happen when my former wife / family / dog / other miscellaneous past loved one found me? And I had already re-married and had other children? And a new dog? My old family would probably forgive me and something would be worked out. Knowing the kind of dog I have, she would never forgive me...

Ladies and Gentlemen, On sucessful completion of 25+ Posts...

Would you(includes me!!!) please stop grumbling and get a life???

Been going out with friends and co workers for dinner often in this last year or so. Most of the time we keep complaining about hating our jobs and how we should quit (like we have said for the last two years), how living at home was not great, but that we couldn't afford to buy a place/car and stuffs.

I have been reflecting on it for sometime and I have realized all of our long conversations are nothing but sheer complaining. Of course most of my post atleast 3 / 4 of them this month were nothing but complaining. Good that I got to see that link, the what kinda rocker are you stuff, which redeemed me from writing about my work and stuff.

I really don't have much to say!!!Honestly, I don't know what to say to people who just keep complaining about everything. the U2 song, Stuck in the Moment is something which I would love to play in my mind everytime I go into those situations:

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough

Of what you don't really need now
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I have realized that I have no patience for people who are stuck in the very situations they put themselves in and do nothing to get out of it. In my opinion, everyone has the ability to live deliberately, purposefully and make decisions that take control of their own lives. There's no reason, that would prevent them from fixing all these things and getting on with her life and making things better for themselves.

Sometimes I think people just like complaining about their situations for the sake of complaining. They derive some sort of fulfillment/satisfaction from it, makes them feel like they are in this big life struggle (note: this is different from venting, which I think is a healthier way of talking through one's issues).

In reality, people know what's best for them - what decisions they need to make. They usually either don't want to confront those decisions or trick themselves into believing they don't have control over those decisions, and 9 times out of 10, they are usually wrong.If you don't like your job, your significant other, your attitude, your friends - do something about it! life is short and here for your taking - no excuses.

And that’s precisely what am gonna do!!!

What Kinda Rocker Are You???

Came across this link ... cool one, it tells you what kinda rocker you are and I'm pretty sure my result is right, I would have been this way if I had my own band now, and I was this way, when I played with Amitesh, Ankur and Jeeva for the 'Timothy'

Well, if you guys want more stories about my rocking days, please do leave a comment that way I can blog something other than my stupid office and its policies and depressions and blah blah blah....

To start with...

My Current Favorite Band: Cold Play (Thanks to Farish)
My All Time Favorite Band(s): Pearl Jam/Iron Maiden
My Current Favorite Song: The Scientist – Cold Play
My All Time Favorite Song(s): Low Light – PJ/Wasting Love – Iron Maiden
My Favorite Guitarist: Dave Murray – Iron Maiden
My Favorite Bassie: Steve Harris – Iron Maiden/Flea – RHCP
My Favorite Drummer: Lars Ulrich – Metallica
My Favorite Keyboardist: GRRRRRRRRRRH!!!! – Hate Keyboards and Keyboardists
I Can’t Stand: Boy/Girl bands singing about love, flower, and happy, hippy-dippy stuff
I Would Love To Play For: Pearl Jam/Nirvana
I’ve Watched Them Live: Deep Purple, Bryan Adams, And Pink Floyd
I Own: A Grenada Cut Away Jumbo Acoustic Guitar, A Givson Deluxe Electric Guitar, A Digitec RP 200 Guitar Processor/ synthesizer, A Stranger Distortion Pedal, A Sony Amplifier
I Play: Alternative, Grunge, Hard Rock

Want Me to Continue???

Am I being prepared for better things???

I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off

I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on

I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on

The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top

I wish I was the evidence,

I wish I was the groundsFor 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me

I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me

I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good

I wish I was the full moon shining off a camaro’s hood

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun

I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on

I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on

I wish I was the verb ’to trust’ and never let you

I wish... I wish..

There are a lot of things I wish I could be, but unfortunately my wishes are just wishes till date. Again, sitting here at work, don’t know what to do, waiting for a meeting to decide if they let me keep this job!!! Downsizing and lay off’s are something which I have been living with for the last to months… thanks to the dumb, lick ass team my manager hired when I was not around, when I was working for a different project for a while!

My salary is not credited completely…that’s another pain, keeping in mind all the loans I got to pay…not a great part of the year. August is always never fine for me, last august I was in the same phase when i worked for proton web, year before with Ajuba Solutions, Year before with Maple Thoughts… anyways my job hunt is on like crazy.

There are two things I encounter when I give interviews… 1) Over qualified to just be a trainer 2) no requirement 3) cannot match salary. So I need to work on a mediocre resume to get myself a job, godamnit, I know I would be under employed, but I need a job so give it to me.

I cleared an interview with a small company and was about to collect my offer, but I declined it…don’t know why!!! May be I should have at least taken it for the worst case scenario. Cleared two rounds of interview with GE is the only consolation.

What so ever I’m not going to bog down, I will fight, it’s a tough situation but I will never get myself an under paid or under employed job and I am stern about the decision. I will never compromise on my self esteem; I will never, irrespective of what my mom says, my bro says, who so ever it may be.

Let me see how things work out for me… I firmly believe that I’m going through this because I am being prepared for better things in life…

Scribblings at 4 in the morning...

Well, I just couldn’t get any sleep today after 3 in the morning…I’ve been trying hard to get back to sleep, no go! so gave up at 4 and turned on my comp and after the routine checking mails and logging inno messenger, started to read some random blogs… didn’t really help.

I’m still in this confused state of mind as to whats in store for me at work this month, I have completed a year in the current organization that I am working with. Our review policy is that I rate myself in various aspects of my position along with my manager. I knew from the start this was to be a joke.

What, am I gonna give myself poor scores? Of course I am outstanding, one of the company's finest, So I believe! And my manager better believe it too…

I had great dreams about this current appraisal not long ago, just weeks before, now its all gone! I know it for a fact that I would not be get my deserving, longwaited promotion! There are so many bloody reasons for it, so many guys…

I don’t want to get into the reasons why this is a dead end job where I am underappreciated offlate and retaliated against…

But it always seems there could be a light at the end of my tunnel of doom, when I receive email’s like these…

Good Afternoon,

I found your resume on ‘Naukri’ and I am very interested in speaking with you further. I am recruiting for a fortune 500 BPO, in Chennai, bangalore, hyderabad and pune and your skill set looks perfect for the position they are looking at. Please call me at your earliest convenience. My number is ……

I look forward to hearing from you.

Nice Lady
Senior HR Consultant
Nice Company
Nice phone number
Nice email address
Nice company url

Really nice. Perhaps putting that resume on Naukri wasn't the stupidest thing I ever did, I thought. I would love nothing more in this world than the feeling that I’m gonna have a better paid and a better designated job!

Then I call the nice lady of that nice company, she would say nothing but, could you please forward your resume to my mail adr xyxyxyxy@wrwrw.com? (but I thought you guys shortlisted me after viewing my resume?) then I realize that the mail has got nothing to do with my skills sets or whatever, it was just some random mail from a random consultant which all my collegues and every tom, dick and harry in my city had received!!! (daaah, the worst part is that all my friends deleted the mail, didn’t care much about it, but I was the only joker to have called that random consultant hoping for a bloody miracle!)

Anways, so it goes… I seriously hope that get a good, high paid job that I really could write or talk about some thing else in this blog and not to bore you guys to death, hahahahaaaaa…

The only thing which keeps me motivated and makes me enjoy this moment is the prints on my T shirt I’m wearing right now…

have a look…

I love(d) the sound of crashing guitars!!!!

Been thinking a lot lately about people I knew and People I've lost contact with but think of often.

Thinking about people I know now who aren't having a very good time, not doing well but used to do very well when I knew them.

These are one of the few moments that I realize that I feel real sad and sober and and my heart feel a little heavy. I realized that everytime I take a walk in my memory lane, which is filled with so many people and so many things which are so close to my heart, I would love some nice alternative band like Cold play, Nirvana, Pearl Jam or Foo Fighters to lend me their music as soundtracks for my thoughts. It would suit perfectly well.

When I’m really down, when I hate the world I would love some Iron maiden...” A lonely cry for help, reaching out for help from anyone, a silent prayer to god to help me on my way” when I’m depressed I go to Metallica’s – Mama Said, I love to go to these rockers who sing about pain and misery. They ease it off, I guessed.

My ears would bleed with Iron maiden’s – “Why then is god still protecting me, even when I don’t deserve it?

Now a little matured (I guess) I think about it… So many of my mortal gods of rock screech about being in pain, the misery of life, the wounded heart, the crying soul…. but they've barely scratched the surface. The rockers who scream of pain are not like me, trying to meet ends, they are millionaires.

Knowing this too well now why am I still able to relate to them so well and where is the connection? Where is the depth? Where is the mystery? I hear all these "painful" songs suddenly feel we're all one in our collective pain!

I don’t know again… I really don’t know, I would have to quote mettallica to express my feeling… “SAD BUT TRUE!!!”

The Shame Vs Guilt way of living!

This was an interesting topic that we discussed when I attended a training workshop hosted by my American manager. The concept was new to me, rather the topic and the way he portrayed was new.

It goes this way, in the shame way of living, if you commit a sin it is ok as long as you don’t get caught. In guilt way of living you go by your conscience. You feel bad and horrible if you commit something wrong in the guilt way of living.

I do not know which one is better. I personally believe that is there is nothing in the world that you should fear, and there is nothing in you life you should regret and feel bad. Living in guilt is something that I can never agree on. You screw up somewhere at some point of your life, and I for sure believe that at that point of time you know you are screwing up and you still go ahead and do it, and when all is done you think about it and crib or feel bad about it for the rest of you life. Well, I know what is it to live a life filled with guilt and shame, I’ve been through it for a good amount of time in my life, God it’s horrible!

Instead of feeling guilty about things, isn’t it better you just come out of it, take it as an experience, and try your best not to do it again? That way it would ensure that you don’t have to live a life of guilt as well as you are trying your best that you will not repeat it again.

Its been a couple of months after the training is over and all the while I have been thinking which kind of living was good, sometimes I feel it’s the guilt culture as its more ethical, however being the kind of a person, I never would appreciate to live a life with guilt. Sometimes I feel it’s the shame culture that is better but it definitely is less ethical, however it is well suited for the modern day living, it helps you cope up with all the competitions and the pressures around you.

After all the thinking I did this is what I feel, if we fail somewhere at some point of time in our lives (come on we all know to err is human!) we need to realize that we screwed up, and make an effort not to do it again, we never should feel guilty about anything, nobody is perfect (remember the scripture where Jesus scribbles in the sand when the elders tried to stone a prostitute woman?) Yes, nobody is perfect, one of the apostles was not too… hence we are no inferior to anybody. Hence I feel there is nothing to be bogged down about.

Guilt should be replaced with realization, its important we realize our mistakes, it’s important we decide what to do after we realize. If you still continue to go with it what you have been doing, then why feel guilty? Realization should only make you feel happy, because you try your best not to repeat you err, and it should not make you feel horrible to an extent that you hate yourself, It’s not worth it, our lives are precious and beautiful,

Yes, our lives are precious and beautiful; it is not worth it to feel guilty to an extent to hate ourselves…beg to differ?

Yahoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My blog has been picked up by yahoo... when you type Jay thoughts or Jay rants my blog is displayed.... I' am excited!!!! Appreciating this I'm not gonna use google for a while and do all my searches in yahoo... Gratitude eh?

Masked lives...

When can we live in a world free from masks???

Looking at my own life, I strongly believe that everyone in this world is living with a mask on. We never see the true self of others, or may be we never want to show our true face to others. Not just the others, most of us are afraid of facing the real us. Isn't it ironic that we are living in a world that is not so real after all?

I see a lot of people, who wear a smile mask, a sorry face mask, always tensed mask, it’s something which we pick up when we grow up? I don’t know how we all pick it up, inspired by somebody? I don’t have a clue. I really don’t have!

For me to write about it is because I have a confession to make. I wear a mask too. Always being someone who seems to be happy in life; I must say I'm living behind a mask. I realize I wear this mask all the time, me at home, at work, with my friends, with my fiancé every where I go and everybody I be with. I wear this mask telling the whole world that I have no complaints about anything. I wear this mask so often that we feel so comfortable and don’t even realize that I don’t even wear one, and only when it itches I realize.

I always believed happiness is meant to be shared but not sadness. It sometimes is dis heartening when you want to share your happiness, there are people who will be negative about it, saying you are such a show off!!! Well may be I show off because I have something to show and if you don’t have anything to freaking show… well let me be polite… bugger off!!! It’s a different topic all together to blog about.

And at times, when my mask itches I say to myself “Not that it is not bad” because I just can't bear to bring sadness to people around me. I remember telling someone that why I shouldn’t affect people with my sadness therefore, I always put on a smile mask. This is something my fiancé fights with me most of the time when something seriously goes bad. She screams “Why can’t you just open up and share it with me?” and my standard answer is “I don’t know… I really can’t do it!” I believe my troubles are mine and will never involve people in it because they shouldn’t be troubled of my troubles as they would have their own fair share of troubles to deal with… I guess

And the other reason is I hate to advices especially if I’m on the receiving end. They never help! It just puts me off sometimes.

Well, if you ask me does it help? End of the day, it doesn't help me in chasing that sadness away; the worst result is that it actually deepen the sadness in me.

With so many exaggerated people around faking themselves, like me, how can we know what's real. It will be even funnier if we say that it is definitely real, when we can't be certain that we are real ourselves.

It would be so judgmental and naïve of me to say that we all should strive or work toward living a mask free life, because these masks have become the one like the oxygen ones to us, it’s a harsh reality, hence all I could hope is…

When can we live in a world free from masks???

The Birds and the Cuckoo's nest!!!

Last Sunday I was my usual, couldn’t get sleep, so at 1 in the morning I decided to watch a movie. I chose to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s – ‘Birds’. It was an okay movie definitely not any better than the other two Hitchcock’s movie I saw last week, ‘The Psycho’ and ‘The Marnie’. It was a pretty lengthy movie and it ran till 3:30 in the morning.

The movie was filled with birds, as the story line is that all the birds in this place called Bodega Bay, near San Francisco attacks the children and the entire town. It wasn’t scary; however there were too many birds, especially Sea gulls and Crows. The movie was filled with the birds! Birds screaming and the feathers cluttering…birds, a 1000’s of them.

So I went to bed at around 4 in the morning and obviously my dreams were filled with birds too. There were lots of birds in my dream. And I was able to hear a Cuckoo singing amidst of all the crows and sea gulls, and the sound was so nice and pleasant, I knew it was a dream, but the Cuckoo’s song was so real.

Then I woke up in the afternoon and I opened the window in my room…well it was not a dream. There weren’t so many birds outside my window like in the movie, but there was a Cuckoo!!! There was a Cuckoo’s nest in one of the trees outside my window, with two eggs.

Well, I don’t know… it was nice!!!














Here is the picture of the Cuckoo’s nest from my window…

And I sincerely hope my Attrocious dog let those poor things there for a while!!!

Career, Challenges and Learning...

Career-wise, I am not really happy. I have basically reached where I want to, something I planned 2 years before and I really don’t know where to go from now. This is not good for me, as I get easily bored. What to do, what to do....I chose to become a Trainer 2 years. I was a marketing guy selling books to electric shavers, event management guy, working for a start up event Management Company, head hunter, a big time failure and then settling to be a call center executive. That’s when I realized that I would have to grow up. So, I did a bunch of research into where the biggest demands were and came up with being a trainer.

Don't get me wrong. I work at a great firm and I love (for the most part, anyway) the people I work with. I have been here a year now and into training for over some year and a half and can pretty much do whatever it is that I want in training. I guess I have learnt enough that I could live with no constraints professionally, dealing challenges with a great ease.

The problem is that the challenge that I thirst for is pretty much gone and I am not pretty much in the upper limit in the salary department. Sure, I may get a Rs. 20%month raise this year, and maybe next, but after that who knows??? Also, living in what is arguably in an expensive environment doesn't help.

So, I need a new career, a new job that would have a lot of challenges and would help me make some more money

Ideas:

?????????????????

Skills:

Great manager/Trainer of other peoples' lives
Fabulous inter-personal skillsExtremely creative
Loves challenges
Loves to keep the learning curve at a soaring high

Dream Job:

Senior Executive in some huge corporate where I get to manage a project, impart training, sell concepts etc. and am entitled to great perks such as wardrobe allowance, company cars and mobile phone bills, a corporate credit card, my own secretary to take care of boring stuff like filing, managing schedules and also paid-for Blackberry

I really dunno, I need a new career, I need challenges, the thirst is there in me to achieve but am not really sure if I am capable. But I have always proved my potential where ever I worked, that’s the only booster. Let’s see how time takes me professionally…

I know with this thirst and desire I would get my dream job sometime, but I dunno how long its gonna take, but I’m sure its gonna take a real long time.

Till then… I’ll do anything to keep the fire inside me alive and burning.

No searching for photo's... I guess!!!

I have got myself a new phone where I could take photos as well as upload them to my computer, that way i could upload them in my blog too... so i guess, I could post a lot of pictures related to the writing on my own, than looking for them in the internet. This is my fist upload, lets see how it works... Its me @ work :)

A few pages in life...

I was just thinking about this...there are so many small, simple things that can make/keep anyone happy. Only that each person could realize the happiness.

There are so many such things which amuse us, excite us so much that we can easily forget anything that 'would' have been troubling us!

As i was going through another blog.. there was a snap he had posted of a lady sitting on the sea shore and reading a book.. wow! that would be one of the best places to read a book.... this thought made me think of all the many things that i like.. and it ended up being a this BLOG.

so many things around might interest you. From the start of the day… through the day, till the end….every aspect of the day/of your life has a beauty of its own…

The rays of the sun through the windows of your room while you are just trying to get the last minutes of your sleep, and you wake up realizing you had an amazing dream and smile to yourself before asking mom for a coffee

A nice hot cup of coffee/tea in the morning, rejoicing it by sipping it reading the newspaper.

Smell of rain, the freshness around, the sight the plants /tress all washed green when you wake up in the morning on a bus journey

Meeting friends on a Saturday evening un planned, and you talk about non sense and everything under the sun and the continue to talk for the rest of the night… and you bid bye to them and the ride back home, wow! To me its a great feeling!

My adorable dog

I feel it all lies in the realization that the most common things can make you smile.Some fond memories are somethings which make me smile and help me forget my troubles.

Celebrating one of those friendship days with my friends during my first year college would be the best. I think about it and feel good, I believe my friends are one the best things that god has blessed me with.

The day when me and my mom lived alone, she suggessted that we have dinner in the open terrace… that rates high.

Helping dad in one of his routines, or any of the family issues and he looking at me thankfully, without words but just sheer expressions is something that I would trade the world for.

Bro… Wow unlimited versions of these nostalgic moments, the late night movies, the board games, those talks about music, the world, religion, faith… everything is so close to the heart.

Years ago when I was alone in my room and I got to see a picture of my girl friend, and deciding… Man, she is your girl, The search is over!!!

The list can go on and on…

I dunno, but I fell these things mould a man as to what he is. I care for, respect people and love the world, enjoy life is because it reminds me of people and things and the memories that are so fond. Again, I feel it all lies in the realization that the most common things can make you smile.

I hope that I keep this kid at heart alive to experience and rejoice these simple things in life and keep memories alive!

Busy having fun with my fiance!!!

Well i guess the title explains why no blogs for the last three days... Promise to come back on thursday for some writings!!!

Hope you guys excuse... I am too happy to write anything!!!

Mean People Suck.... Do I Too???

Here is something that happened to me today! I would not want to get into details of whatever happened but its so dis heartening to hear from people say that I suck big time. I heard it twice today. The first one from a colleague and the other one from the personal front. The first one was from the personal front.

The personal one shattered me and may be it reflected on my work and had to take this from the other colleague.

It’s like they telling me "Hey I just took a pain pill. So why the hell are you still here!?"Well sorry.

I have no idea! I am being myself, myself meaning trying hard to be good, not to the extreme that it would drive a person to love me like crazy! What kind of a solution is available anyways? Try verbal abuse? Something better!!! How about a gun? I would love to take it off in a jiffy.

That’s a small post for the weekend! I guess I should feel better for some better posts for the next week.

Cheers!

Handling stress… The Christian way!

Let me begin quoting an instance from the bible

I love how when Jesus called people, they "left everything and followed him". Oh, that we might be willing to do the same. Here we see Simon leave everything and just followed Jesus when he called to be fishers of the mankind. Let’s do an analysis here; Simon was married guy which means he would have his own personal family commitments and responsibilities. So it wasn't like some bachelor guy who could easily drop everything. I couldn’t stop imagining what could have possibly run on Simon’s head when Jesus called him to follow him, RIGHT THERE!

Would he have thought about his wife, his family, and their lives ahead? Can you imagine Simon as he walked into the house that night? I suppose we can use our imagination. We do not know if his wife was very willing, if she was, well and good, but what if she wasn't? Talk about his stress. I’m not sure if he would have done justice to the evangelizations he did.

I began to realize that the best way to handle stress is to be in constant touch with god.,

let me talk about a scenario where Jesus was fully man and also FULLY GOD, and a scenario which I feel he would have been through a tremendous stress of his entire time here in the earth.

I have read this temptation of Christ passage and kind of say to myself "that's nice". If Christ was completely man, well it would have been really tough for him to have overcome these temptations and stress. I don't know about you, but I can barely go four hours without a snack, let alone FORTY DAYS with no food! :) Seriously! When I'm hungry, I'm grumpy, and if someone is showing a pack or biscuit in my face, it's going to take more than my willpower to say no. Jesus was hungry. And He was human. He must have been stressed out. He was able to overcome it only because; he had that quiet personal time with god all those forty days!

Well I repeat myself again,

If I need to quote bible again "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed". Jesus knew that time with the Father was very important. He had handled so many situations with the help of these quiet times he had

If Christ needed that time, how much more do we?Everybody goes through a lean patch in life, could be everyday too. The point is how to overcome it. We have stress at work, home, playing a game, everywhere. I was amazed when I read a stress management article, when it quoted a new born baby in a family is stress!!! To an extent it could be true, but we don’t feel it, is because we celebrate it.

We live our lives or would love to live our lives like our role models. We have role models, because we like them. We believe that they lived a perfect life. To me, Christ is a role model. And I strongly recommend it everybody. Again, I’m not merchandising Christianity here; I’m merchandising the need for our personal relationship with god.

I quoted bible and Jesus is because that’s the only thing I know. And I have a strong feeling that all the prophets who lived in the world would sure had their quite time. They did know how to handle stress, and it’s up to us to learn from them.

Again… If Christ needed that time, how much more do we?

State of mind on writings...

I would love to quote Noam Chomsky here: ‘A real lazy guy who wants to learn and wants to take on this world, can do it, if he manages to write something’

All the reading I do right now are not of dickens or Plato, but that of common men and women. I find myself returning to the same dozen or so blogs every day, and at times I wonder if it is interesting. Is it worth dedicating so much time reading some random writings? I have never met these people. They do not even know that I exist. Yet I can tell you their struggles with relationships, careers, art, spirituality, likes, dislikes. Why do all these people, including me blog? To gain some recognition, a niche, a sense of self?

In the past one year, I have started several blogs of my own. They never lasted long, a few days at the longest. My attention turned elsewhere or I simply grew sick of disclosing my thoughts to you on a daily basis. It's hard work returning to the same web page, to read what one wrote a month earlier in a fit of passion or rage. Oh how tempting it is to edit, rewrite or even delete a post that later seems ridiculous.

But the point of a blogs, I suppose, is to track one's development, to look back and see what fools we happened to be a week ago. It’s a great feeling to realize how good we were are pathetic we were. And it’s even nicer to feel good to know how good we were and to laugh at how pathetic we were. It helps a lot of time to make more rational decisions for the days to come.

To me it’s a great feeling to know that I have learned something, or I have acquired something. Being a trainer, at this point of time in my career, I could contradict whatever I trained a year before, which I believed was true and right. There could be three reasons for it:

1) I have learned better things.
2) The concepts have gone stale.
3) I was a sad trainer.

Whatever it is I don’t want to believe that the third option is right.

Coming back to Writings, I’ve realized it’s a wonderful feeling/learning. I could understand myself better if I document my feeling and to go through it again, when I’m totally in a different state of mind. Most of time I learn more about myself. I never believe that I’ve acquired anything from my school academics. The world was my school and I have learnt so many things here and am still waiting to graduate, and hope I never graduate.

This is exactly my state of mind about writing at this point of time, but chances are I will not and in six months we will laugh at a party about how silly blogs are and wonder why we ever thought to dedicate so much time and energy to them.

Well… Then again it’s all about learning... aint it?

Downsizing...WTF???

Last week was one of the hardest weeks for me, I quite don’t understand the turns and dead end life throws sometimes. It was one of those turns for me and a dead end for most of them in my team. Downsizing my team is what it is all about. I was working with this team from day one it was formed, and I have personally hired some 4 of them in this team, not long ago, a 2 months before and now they want to downsize, I’m okay with this, however there is something I cant understand. Why do you have to hire so many people and fire so many in 2 months??? Are you playing Monopoly??? Buy, sell and rent out places, and your luck is all about what you throw in the dice!!!

It was not a great feeling to sit through those meetings where people count their fortunes and praying hard.

Talking about me, I’m fine, there is no problem for me, except for I have this offer right in front of me, that I could move to a different process to exhibit my skills; they call it a better prospect however I’m really scared to take this turn. It’s more like a blind turn. It’s a little different for me. I have jumped jobs like no mans business, and now I don’t really want to try or do anything different. I have to give an interview now in 2 hrs to know what the outcome is. I’ am brave enough to accept that I have stagnated, big-time!!! May be because my learning is good for the last 4 months, given the fact I have been through a 120 hour training to enhance my skills and involved myself in a lot of training and hiring, exposing me to so many things.

I’m growing old I guess, may be starting to grow old. I don’t dream like the way I used to do because may be I’m matured. I feel those dreams are so unreasonable. I find it absurd to even think to set up a registered company (Maple thoughts) at 22 years and dreaming big about it. Now I feel I can’t even think of setting those ventures at 25 yrs now. Reading jack Welch and Steve jobs does not make you one is something I have understood. And one other thing is that these CEO’s made it big because they never jumped jobs… that is precisely what I want to do, that’s what even Pradeep, My ex manager at DELL, told me when I quit DELL. To an extent he was an awesome guy. I liked the way he used to say “I work with people, not technicians; I work this way because I need to answer my manager, the carpenter from Nazareth”

I don’t want to jump jobs anymore, whatever it is I have molded to myself to stand up and face it, than to chicken out. Started to believe it’s the same everywhere, you can’t keep chickening out every six months!!!

It’s kind of a different feeling right now as I feel I have hit an all time professional low in the last 1 year. So I got to wait for another 5 hours to figure out if I should take that blind turn. Anyways I feel really bad for my team, something which I was part of and was once everything!!!

Again, I’m not against all these corporate fundas and stuff, just that I would love to know if there is a defined way people go about it. Then again, even if there is one what’s the integrity level of the person who does it, or executes it? May be if the integrity level is high, then there is no need to the defined value that I was talking about.

I have molded myself to fight, fight against all odds and non ethical and less integrated people!!! I wish all these lessons I learn and pains I go through would make me an amazing professional some years down the road…

Again, Downsizing??? WTF!!!

Nightmares and Death...

Something is not quite right about them…

Some mornings I wake up to thin sun rays streaming through the blinds....and I lay still, reliving the nightmare I had just had....and it’s a great feeling to know, well it was just a dream, but the heaviness in the heart, still tells you, ‘boy, you are not out of it'

Most of the nightmares are about death, it makes me think, if nightmares are scary, is death such a scary thing? We all know that we do not have a perpetual existence, we all know we would kick the bucket anytime, still why we fear death, Mom says don’t drive fast, we wear seat belts when we drive, a 100 policemen checking if you are drunk at nights when you ride, we try stay away from roller coasters and bungee jumping…a 100 precautions to avoid death.

I kind of got my answer why we fear death some 5 months before, may not be right, but I’m satisfied. We fear death because we love, we love people… we love them so much we don’t want to hurt them. Imagine that you die and you go to heaven or hell, and no body in the world cares about you, they rejoice and if you have a family to support, the get a $1,000,000,000 on your cremation day… how many of you fear death so much? I doubt it.

Coming back to when I got my answer was when I lost somebody in my life. I’ve never been to any funerals till date, and I’ve never lost anyone close to me. But when I lost this friend of mine to a road accident, it was so new and… I don’t know, it was one moment, probably the only moment I would like to change. I was the last person to have spoken to him before he died, I was the last person to have seen him, and I was the last person to share a coffee with him… yeah I was with him 15 minutes before the accident.

And the next time I saw him was in a mortuary. He was looking at me, staring, may be he was not…I don’t know… he knows I like (d) him so much, everybody knows and did… given the kind of person he was I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked us crying, mourning, shattered… I know how it felt… probably ONLY I KNOW HOW IT FELT…

Being the only person to know how it felt… I would never want to give that feeling to anybody…anybody. May be that’s why I fear death, that’s why I hate nightmares… I love my world and my people and I never would want to hurt them by just leaving them.

Sitting in the Office now, the unease is hanging like a halo over me....I don't understand any of it...what is my subconscious trying to say?

Where do these nightmares come from? Something is not quite right about them…