This was an interesting topic that we discussed when I attended a training workshop hosted by my American manager. The concept was new to me, rather the topic and the way he portrayed was new.
It goes this way, in the shame way of living, if you commit a sin it is ok as long as you don’t get caught. In guilt way of living you go by your conscience. You feel bad and horrible if you commit something wrong in the guilt way of living.
I do not know which one is better. I personally believe that is there is nothing in the world that you should fear, and there is nothing in you life you should regret and feel bad. Living in guilt is something that I can never agree on. You screw up somewhere at some point of your life, and I for sure believe that at that point of time you know you are screwing up and you still go ahead and do it, and when all is done you think about it and crib or feel bad about it for the rest of you life. Well, I know what is it to live a life filled with guilt and shame, I’ve been through it for a good amount of time in my life, God it’s horrible!
Instead of feeling guilty about things, isn’t it better you just come out of it, take it as an experience, and try your best not to do it again? That way it would ensure that you don’t have to live a life of guilt as well as you are trying your best that you will not repeat it again.
Its been a couple of months after the training is over and all the while I have been thinking which kind of living was good, sometimes I feel it’s the guilt culture as its more ethical, however being the kind of a person, I never would appreciate to live a life with guilt. Sometimes I feel it’s the shame culture that is better but it definitely is less ethical, however it is well suited for the modern day living, it helps you cope up with all the competitions and the pressures around you.
After all the thinking I did this is what I feel, if we fail somewhere at some point of time in our lives (come on we all know to err is human!) we need to realize that we screwed up, and make an effort not to do it again, we never should feel guilty about anything, nobody is perfect (remember the scripture where Jesus scribbles in the sand when the elders tried to stone a prostitute woman?) Yes, nobody is perfect, one of the apostles was not too… hence we are no inferior to anybody. Hence I feel there is nothing to be bogged down about.
Guilt should be replaced with realization, its important we realize our mistakes, it’s important we decide what to do after we realize. If you still continue to go with it what you have been doing, then why feel guilty? Realization should only make you feel happy, because you try your best not to repeat you err, and it should not make you feel horrible to an extent that you hate yourself, It’s not worth it, our lives are precious and beautiful,
Yes, our lives are precious and beautiful; it is not worth it to feel guilty to an extent to hate ourselves…beg to differ?
3 comments:
I remember talking about this in class! :) It was a new idea to me too.
I don't think that he was referring to being bogged down with either guilt or shame. It was more like what motivates you-shame cultures are more motivated by not getting caught, but guilt cultures are more motivated by personal integrity. For example, in a shame culture, you would be motivated to apologzie to someone that you've wronged because you were caught, but the in a guilt culture you might be motivated to apologize to clear your own conscience even if the other person had no knowledge of the wrong.
Coming from a guilt culture myself, I feel the need to defend it a bit. :) It's not that you'd necessarily be bogged down with the guilt for every wrong thing that you did-you do process and work through things and move on (hopefully to learn from your mistakes as well...).
Well said lori!!
I believe in the same too...
Guilt or shame like any other feeling is a natural reaction to something we have or have not done, said or thought.
The Christian answer is...it is not wrong to get angry but it is wrong to stay angry, it is
not wrong to get hurt, but it is wrong to stay hurt etc.
Same applies to guilt, shame etc. It becomes wrong only when you stay guilty or ashamed without doing anything about it.
Just because you don't feel remorse does not make it right. God loves us but He is also just and He will NEVER accommodate our sin till we repent and set ourselves right.
In short, deal with it. If apology is required, then apologise! When we have hurt others, we have to set ourselves right with God and people.
Also guilt cannot be replaced by realization, actually guilt is followed by realization.
I agree it is stupid to remain in guilt or shame or hurt. We have to work our way out as soon as possible and learn from mistakes and hopefully not repeat them :)
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