Nightmares and Death...

Something is not quite right about them…

Some mornings I wake up to thin sun rays streaming through the blinds....and I lay still, reliving the nightmare I had just had....and it’s a great feeling to know, well it was just a dream, but the heaviness in the heart, still tells you, ‘boy, you are not out of it'

Most of the nightmares are about death, it makes me think, if nightmares are scary, is death such a scary thing? We all know that we do not have a perpetual existence, we all know we would kick the bucket anytime, still why we fear death, Mom says don’t drive fast, we wear seat belts when we drive, a 100 policemen checking if you are drunk at nights when you ride, we try stay away from roller coasters and bungee jumping…a 100 precautions to avoid death.

I kind of got my answer why we fear death some 5 months before, may not be right, but I’m satisfied. We fear death because we love, we love people… we love them so much we don’t want to hurt them. Imagine that you die and you go to heaven or hell, and no body in the world cares about you, they rejoice and if you have a family to support, the get a $1,000,000,000 on your cremation day… how many of you fear death so much? I doubt it.

Coming back to when I got my answer was when I lost somebody in my life. I’ve never been to any funerals till date, and I’ve never lost anyone close to me. But when I lost this friend of mine to a road accident, it was so new and… I don’t know, it was one moment, probably the only moment I would like to change. I was the last person to have spoken to him before he died, I was the last person to have seen him, and I was the last person to share a coffee with him… yeah I was with him 15 minutes before the accident.

And the next time I saw him was in a mortuary. He was looking at me, staring, may be he was not…I don’t know… he knows I like (d) him so much, everybody knows and did… given the kind of person he was I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked us crying, mourning, shattered… I know how it felt… probably ONLY I KNOW HOW IT FELT…

Being the only person to know how it felt… I would never want to give that feeling to anybody…anybody. May be that’s why I fear death, that’s why I hate nightmares… I love my world and my people and I never would want to hurt them by just leaving them.

Sitting in the Office now, the unease is hanging like a halo over me....I don't understand any of it...what is my subconscious trying to say?

Where do these nightmares come from? Something is not quite right about them…